People who work together are like extended families; when a person dies, friends and coworkers grieve. When the death is unexpected, it can be particularly traumatic.
The grieving process
People do not heal on a timetable, but the emotions ease over time. The brief time given to attend the funeral only touches the beginning stages of grief. Experts describe the feelings, symptoms, and outcomes of grief in various ways.
The feelings and symptoms of grief may include:
Shock
Denial
Anger
Guilt
Anxiety
Sleep disorders
Exhaustion
Overwhelming sadness
Difficulty concentrating
Most of the time, a person feels several of these emotions at the same time, though perhaps to different degrees. Eventually, each phase is completed, and the person moves ahead. The extent, depth, and duration of the process will also depend on how close people were to the deceased, their circumstances, and their own situation. Some outcomes of grief may include finding a new balance (which does not necessarily mean that things will be the same) and growth (readiness to move ahead with one’s life).
Take time to grieve
You and your coworkers will need time to grieve. Some things to do:
Create a memorial board. A photo, card, or special item the person kept on their desk can be a way to remember.
Hold or participate in a fundraiser for a special cause or for the family of the deceased.
Create a book of memories to give to the family. Many people are not aware of the work-life of the people they love. These will be unique memories for the family and a way for you to express feelings and memories privately.
Conduct a workplace-only event. A luncheon or office-only memorial allows coworkers to acknowledge their unique relationship with the deceased.
Attend the funeral or memorial service.
People experience grief differently. You or a coworker who was particularly close to a person who died may feel depressed, absentminded, short-tempered, or exhausted. These are all normal feelings.
Creating healthy memories is part of healing. Some people find talking about the deceased helps them manage their grief. Others keep to themselves. Respect the fact that others may feel the loss more or less strongly than you or cope differently. Death also generates questions and fears about our own mortality. If a coworker dies, you may feel guilty or angry at the person, life or the medical profession. It may cause you to question your own life. These are normal emotions.
Be aware of how you react to a deceased coworker’s replacement. Your anger or disappointment at their performance, personality or work style may be less a function of the individual than your grief about the person they are replacing.
Get help if you have trouble coping with your coworker’s loss or your work suffers. A decrease in performance could signal that this loss affects you more profoundly than you thought.
